Otterbein United Methodist Church

February 17, 2008

Scripture: Romans 12:1-2, 9-13

Sermon: “Living Happily Ever-after” – “The Advice Doctor Is In!” – (Part 5 of a 5 part series)

As a kid I watched The Dick Van Dyke Show and was fully convinced that he and Mary Tyler Moore should be married to one another in real life. And why not? Their perpetual misunderstandings always seemed to end in apology, agreement, and love… all in less than half an hour and that included commercials!

TV Land has reintroduced me to the I Love Lucy Shows from my childhood. When Lucy would mess up Ricky would launch into a tirade in Spanish in a way that left no room for misinterpretation by us totally English speaking viewers that Lucy had screwed up again, and he was angry. But not for long… again in the space of a half an hour, all their problems are resolved, love and harmony are restored. Isn’t TV great?

Wouldn’t it be great if all our marital conflicts could be resolved in less than 30 minutes?

Today is the last in our 5 week series on marriage, and in terms of marital issues, the “Advice Doctor” is in! Today’s scripture is from Romans 12.

Introduction… Charlie and his wife, Beatrice, had been debating the purchase of a new vehicle. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" Beatrice said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me." So, for her birthday, Charlie bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Charlie’s funeral service will be on Monday. Quoting from his obituary: “Due to the condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service. In lieu of flowers, please send your memorial contribution to the local chapter of the ‘Think before You Buy Dumb Things for Your Wife Foundation.’”

Miscellaneous Advice on Marriage…

1.) Make Christ the foundation of your life. God knows more about what will make you happy than you will ever figure out! Put Christ at the center of your relationships. Having love, communication, and fellowship begins with a right connection to the God who is the source of it!

2.) Get the right button in the right button hole… your significance comes first from God, not any other person. He’s the one who loves you and values you more than any other ever could. I AM of great value to God even if I am of no value to anyone else, including my spouse! Our true significance comes first from God, then from our partner. Sadly, many do it the other way around. They seek another human to tell them that they have worth or significance and then when treated badly they mistakenly believe that they are not valuable or lovely. No, the marriage covenant begins with a relationship with God. If you’re looking to someone else to give you identity, whether it’s getting an “M-r-s Degree” or being seen with the cutest girl, you’re placing an expectation on your relationship that will surely cause it to fail!

3.) Choose a godly spouse. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” Back in the day when I was working with youth, I told them to picture yourself standing on a table and that non-Christian boyfriend or girlfriend standing on the floor. If you bend over to pick them up to your level, which is more likely to happen: you pick them up, or them pull you down?

So what do you do when you’re married before you discover your building on the wrong foundation? Or your spouse has zero interest in spiritual things? What happens when “for better” becomes worse?

1.) If you want your marriage to improve, don’t talk to your friends or others about your spouse’s problems; talk to your spouse. Jesus isn’t talking about marriage in Matthew 18:15, but the truth certainly applies… “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.” Most of the people you tell are going to side with you. They will even pick up your offense. If the situation or problem gets worked out, they may not be aware of it, and still wonder about your spouse, and maybe even about you, for still hanging with them.

2.) Happiness is a choice! Choose your happiness. You can run through a fistful of wives and marriages, and, if you haven’t changed your attitude, if you’re still looking to someone else to make you happy, you still won’t be.

3.) Don’t allow your relationship with your parents to get in the way of your marriage. For the purpose of marriage a man should “leave father and mother, and cleave to his wife.” Genesis 2:24. We call this “leaving and cleaving.” You become a new decision making unit. How does this get reconciled with “honor your father and mother?” Can you “leave and cleave” and still “honor?”

Your wife is not your mother – I want a girl, just like the girl that married dear old dad.

4.) Understand finances are one… Again we look at Genesis 2:24, “they two shall become one.” This means physically, emotionally, financially. It doesn’t matter who is in charge of your family’s finances… the man or the woman; but both need to know what’s going on, and both need to see that everything you have is “ours” (except for perhaps your underwear!). Avoid consumer debt! If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it!

5.) God’s plan for sexuality. God created us as sexual beings. His plan for it was wonderful. Outside his plan there are not only problems, guilt, wounds, pain, but more STD’s than you ever want to know about! God’s standard for physical intimacy is summed up in these words: “Celibacy in singleness and fidelity in marriage.” Anything, anything other than that is sin. Our culture pushes sexuality at us at an unprecedented rate. Images of scantily clad, and suggestively attired women (and men) are used to sell everything from chewing gum to cars. In Matthew 5:28 Jesus says, “I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery…” How do YOU handle issues of lust?

6.) View problems as opportunities to grow spiritually, not find an exit! Long before a couple gets a divorce, they’ve talked about it! Probably they first dropped the “D-bomb” (Divorce) as a way of hurting the other person. In the heat of an argument you say, “Maybe you want a divorce.” Neither of you want a divorce, but the use of the word has hurt them, and your marriage! Maybe in the next argument the other person says it first to hurt you. The next thing you know, you’re talking about it, even considering it. In my last pre-marital counseling session, I ask couples to imagine my office being on fire. We’d try to get away from the fire, but imagine getting to the door and finding it barred. Locked! The only way to survive is to fight the flames. We’d throw modesty to the wind! We’d peel off our shirts to fight the fire. Then I tell them, imagine standing at the altar and saying, “I do.” What you are doing is locking the exits. When a problem comes up, a fire in your marriage, you’re going to turn and fight the flames, because you know the exit is barred.

7.) Communicate! (your feelings, attitudes, expectations). As wonderful as they are, your spouse is neither Prince Charming nor Cinderella. I suspect you’ve told them that in more ways than one! Hopefully you’ve done so in love! (“Speak the truth in love.” Ephesians 4:15). Communication – how much honesty can your marriage take? My wife is a “Help meet” – (Genesis 2:18). Part of what she does is help me meet God and meet myself! She helps me encounter the truth about myself. I’d think I was really close to perfect if I didn’t have a wife! One who can see the blind spots I either couldn’t see, or would ignore if did see them.

8.) Marriage is for the long haul… until death do us part! In the Garden of Eden God created one man and one woman. He didn’t create any spares just in case it didn’t work out! God’s design is never for divorce. As a matter of fact, He says, “I, the Lord, hate divorce.” He hates the wounds it creates. He hates the bruises it leaves on children. He hates the tearing of his “husband/wife” design and the model that it is to be to the world of Christ’s love for the Church. God hates divorce, but it is not the unpardonable sin! God is a God of healing and forgiveness. He is a God of new beginnings.

9.) What you think is what you are becoming. Renew the mind (Romans 12:2). Have this mind in you which was also in Christ Jesus (Phil. 2:5) Make sure you are thinking correctly!

10.) Avoid Analysis Paralysis. Some people analyze and analyze, they think so much about things to make their relationship work that they forget the simple doing that is necessary for moving off “dead center.” When your relationship seems to be going nowhere, don’t over analyze it, do something about it. Jesus said it’s those who do the will of God who enter the kingdom, not those who think about it the most. So take up the role of a servant. In love, serve one another.

Conclusion… Whether we’re currently doing well, or have messed up miserably, there’s a broken road behind us. Broken because of our sin, our wrong choices, our problems… God forgives!