Otterbein United Methodist Church

January 27, 2008

Scripture: Luke 14:27-33

Sermon: “Critical ‘C-Words’ of Marriage” – (Part 2 of a 5 part series)

Marriages in Trouble! They are everywhere. Look around you. Listen to your neighbors. People are struggling to deal with all the pressures and demands of life. But it doesn’t need to be that way! God intended that those who marry would have a wonderful harmonious life-long relationship… full of Communication, fellowship and love. I want to paint a picture of marriage that is considerably “off the beaten path” of the world’s perspective on marriage… a picture of how life could be for you and how you can pray it to be for others. Begin: Luke 14.

Point 1 – Counting the Cost – When you enter into marriage you say things like, “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in health and in sickness” and you think, “Worse my eyeball, there isn’t anything bad about this girl.” Then you get home from the honey moon and she says, “Some things are ‘gonna’ change around here!” And you soon discover why her Daddy was grinning from ear to ear as he stood there giving her away – he had been living with her for “20 couple” years, or how ever long, and he knew what you were getting!

In Luke 14 Jesus tells us to count the cost. Understand the price to go to war, or build a tower.

Understand that there will be challenges in marriage. It won’t all be happily ever after, but if your love is great enough to cover the worst case scenario, you’re ready to take that step!

What will it cost? Women get married expecting to change their men. Men get married expecting their wives will never change – both are wrong! The irritations and struggles you’ll deal with are real. You come to marriage with a history, a pattern you’ve watched. One day she’ll shriek, “Uggh! I’ve become my mother!”

Intro for #2: Several years ago I had a conversation with a person who at the time was an active member of Otterbein church. He asked me if I knew what the problem is with most Christians. Well, I certainly have some understanding of what my problems are, and a few of you have told me a little about some of your problems (and I have theories on some of the rest of you, but I was curious enough to ask him. He told me, “Most Christians are afraid of the ‘C-Word.’” “The ‘C-Word’?” I questioned. “Commitment.” I’m not sure what his commitment level was, because I haven’t seen him in church in years. The second C-word we’re looking at is…

Point 2: Commitment –Most of us are “commitment phobics” We have a phobia about making commitments. We are reluctant to even commit ourselves to go to a Sweethearts Dinner at the church. Which of us can’t afford $25 a couple? Really now? It’s not the money, because if it’s the money, you should ask me and I will privately see to it that you have the needed money. We say we love Jesus, but can’t commit to a week of participation in Vacation Bible School?

When applied to marriage, we’re in immediate trouble. In fact, people are waiting later and later in their lives to make that commitment. The average age of first marriages continues to rise – no longer just because guys are afraid to commitment, but even women are becoming more afraid of commitment. We don’t want to commit ourselves to anything, lest perchance, a better offer comes along.

Commitment in marriage is more than just setting our will saying I’m going to guts this out, if it’s the last thing I do. Commitment is a decision to talk things out, to work things out, and to live things out.

Intro for #3: We hear all the time about professional athletes entering into long-term contracts. Some people consider marriage to be a long term contract, in fact, some even look at marriage as being a long-term, even lifetime “sentence!” You might think that one of the “c-words” of marriage is contract. You’d be wrong. Marriage is not based on contract, it’s based on covenant!

Point 3: Covenant – We understand the Bible is divided into two parts: the Old Testament and the New. The word ‘testament” means “covenant.” So the Bible is about an old covenant based on law, and a new covenant that grows out of man’s failure to keep that Law! The new covenant is based on the grace God has shown us in dying on the cross for our sins!

There is a critical difference between a covenant and a contract. A covenant is based on trust; a contract is based on distrust. You sign contractual paper work with the painter because he said he’ll do the job for this amount; he has you sign it because it’s a legal way to force you to pay when he’s finished. That’s distrust; but there’s no contract with marriage. But, you say, what about going to the courthouse and getting a license? All you have to do is be 18. You don’t even have to pass a test. (It’s tougher to get a driver’s license than a marriage license). Actually a marriage license does two things and neither of them have anything to do with “a contract.”

1. First, understand that a marriage license is for the pastor! It is license for me to marry you.

2. Secondly, it establishes a public record that says, yes these two are married – and anyone can go to the courthouse and find that out!

There are lots of covenants in the Bible between God and people. Covenant is God's model for the interaction of two or more people. It is a flexible but binding promise to enter a relationship that gives life, even if its costs are high. It is an agreement that creates an identity that is more than the sum of individual parts. Covenant is not a contract, for you don't back out of a covenant even if one party fails in its performance. You keep covenant. For it is a pursuit with the participation of God to be a new creation. Biblical covenants always carried with them covenant symbols. Hence these aren’t just wedding rings, they are covenant symbols. Covenant is more than joining hands and exchanging rings! Covenant making is serious! In fact in the Old Testament, people “cut” a covenant. They would take an animal and cut it in half and walk between its two parts as a means of saying, “This animal gave its life for the sake of this covenant.” How about Jesus laying down his life to enter into covenant with us? You enter into a covenant with Jesus and you can expect it to be life changing! “Old things are passed away, behold all things are become new!” You enter into covenant with a man or a woman, you can expect significant change which brings me to our 3^rd “C-word”…

Intro 4 – Chris and I were in the huge hot tub by the pool at Willow Valley this week… roughing it for the Lord at the Bishop’s Retreat. As a pastor I’ve known more than 30 years got in the hot tub, I asked where his wife was. He said they were getting a divorce! I was absolutely surprised. Chris and I had spent a great deal of time at last year’s retreat talking with the two of them. He said they were getting divorced because they disagreed over religious matters. I said, “Oh?” He said, “Yes, she thinks she’s God and I disagree.” He said it flippantly, as a way of blunting pursuit of the real truth.

Point 4 - Christ – Remember Christ wants to have the central role in your marriage. Last week we laid a foundation that basically said, “God is a Communicating, Fellowshipping, and Loving God. What things we need to give to others, we need to get from God or we’ll be trying to get water out of a dry well.

Despite how wonderful the Biblical pattern of marriage is, and despite how wonderful you think your spouse is, you married a sinner! (Can I get an “Amen” on that one?) But before you point the finger at them, remember every marriage is made up of two sinners. Good news! God has shown us how to handle sin!

****Sin, properly dealt with, gets confessed. That confession gets met by forgiveness and grace. More than once in our marriage I’ve told Chris that she had no choice but to forgive me, it’s in The Book!

BUT God does want to be involved in your marriage… and it’s as “Christ in you.”

There’s a passage (Colossians 1:26) that says, “Christ in you, the hope of glory.” The hope we have of going to heaven is rooted in having Christ dwell in our hearts. Christ in me is my hope of heaven. If he’s not on the inside, there is no hope of heaven, of glory. Is Christ in you?

BUT let me give you a quick review of 6 grade English. In English the second person plural is the same as the second person singular – you. We try to make a plural… yall or youse. (Yall at least is a kind of contraction for “you all,” but what in the world is “youse”?) Unless you know a little Greek, you’d not know that in this passage in Colossians, the “you” is plural. Christ in “you – plural” is the hope of glory.

Think for a moment what Christ in “us” would do for our relationships in general, and our marriages in particular. As husbands and wives we need to be connected to Jesus in that “you plural sense.”

You want a marriage full of glory, you want the best in your marriage, let Christ be in it. Don’t let Christ come between you, let him dwell in you and unite you.

· You talk to the Lord privately, you should pray together… Christ in you plural.

· Jesus said, “If two of you shall agree on anything on earth, it will be done by my Father who is in heaven.” It doesn’t take a multitude, it just takes two. “It takes two baby, it takes two” to be “a you!”

· Pray together, focus on the Lord together, submit your cares to the Lord together! Challenging? Yes! But after you’ve tried it, you’re marriage will never be the same again! The % of couples getting divorced who are praying together is nearly zero!